Ever feel really shitty for doing something you didn’t mean to do, and you’re not even sure if you did it? Me too.
I could have SWORN there was no line when I went to my grocer’s self-check-out. We only had a few things, and I didn’t feel like waiting for the aisles with cashiers, so, I spotted an open register and flew toward it (because I have little legs and move quickly, otherwise, I get left behind.) I’m like…*fifty three* percent sure I didn’t notice anyone waiting when I started unloading and scanning. Batman grabbed us two beverages, and when I went to take them from him, I saw the line. The long line and the glares. All shooting at me. All hating me.
Did I…did I just skip a whole bunch of people?
Except, I’m not a *thousand* percent certain they were there before. There were a lot of people in the store and sometimes, magically, we all want to check out at the same time so…there is a possibility they all gathered right after me, and were sending glares of hatred over how impressively beautiful I am, and the very stylish clothes I wear. I can’t rule out these very likely options. But still…
Did I cut everyone? If so, does that make me a bad person? Or am I just an “okay” person because I’m not terribly observant when I’m hungry? Sheesh. First stealing seven dollars from a restaurant and now this. Thieving and line-cutting: that’s what I’ve become. That’s who I am. Sure, unbeknownst to me at the time, but I feel like the points are still deducted. ALTHOUGH I feel massive amounts of anxiety over these kinds of things, so maybe it evens out in the end?
I’m starting November fresh. Well, sort of fresh. It all depends on the garbage guys, who, apparently changed when they come in the morning. They used to come around eight, but God knows what time it is now since I put the trash on the curb at SEVEN, and it was still there when we got home. Awesome. But why didn’t I put it out the night before like most sane, logical people? Because Batman and I live in the murder house which is backed up right to the woods, so we get all the woodland creatures ravaging our trash. The neighbor’s cans are just *slightly* too far to mess with (we have lazy woodland creatures), so they all descend on ours, which means we can’t put it out the night before. But now the garbage guys want to get up at the ass crack of dawn and I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
Maybe it’s my penance for stealing and line-cutting. But poor Batman. He didn’t do anything to deserve this. He only married me, but, serves him right. No take-backsies now.
Writing-wise, I’m closing in on the end of the second draft for the fourth (?) rewrite. So, that’s good. I read through the ending of the first draft (fourth rewrite) and yuck. Nope. Think I kind of gave up on it the last little bit there because it had the stink of an original draft all over it. Not good. But I’m working on it, and every time I do, it gets better. Perspective, people.
November goals: no inadvertently stealing or line-cutting, figure out when to take out the trash, and keep writing. Think I can handle it.
~ Lady Caitlin