Batman’s On Board With This

I’m officially 34.

I made it, guys. I made it. I know a lot of you thought I might’ve walked in front of something or off of something or between two somethings by now but BWHAHAHA in your face! I haven’t. Not yet. It’s coming, but I’m 34 going strong! It feels a lot like 33 and 32 and even 31… NOT 30. At 30, I felt shitty. I felt all the guilt of reaching a milestone-age and not reaching any major milestones (still kinda do). Also, the Firehouse guy gave my sandwich to the wrong person on the big day ☹

Now I’m in my “mid-thirties” and still feel pretty much the same. I have no clue what I’m doing with my life (yay!) but at least Batman and I are making this thing legal, so my non-directional dayjobness will be his problem too. So will my student debt. Haha, sucka! But that’s on him. He asked. I said yes. It’s a done deal. The dress has been purchased, and there’s no going back now, especially since we’ve spent the last twelve years together. We’re here. We’ve made it. We’re doing this thing. Plus, he’s deadest on the honeymoon. Now that he’s knows we’re seeing the USS Arizona and USS Missouri, there’s no way this wedding is *not* happening (we’re honeymooning in Ohau…not some weird ship graveyard…just want that clarified.)

I will say, Batman (like so many of you) has been a champion of mine. Occasionally, when I’m lurking in Facebook writing groups, I come across a rant that someone’s family or partner doesn’t support their writing, or makes them feel like their passion is their hobby. It sucks reading those. It makes me want to jump through their screen and hug them because it IS important and their writing DOES matter. But I never feel like that. Batman has never made me feel low for living the dayjob—writing-night lifestyle, especially since the latter generates zero revenue. But it’s okay. It’s what I want to do with my life. Plus, it’s this or the lottery to get us into our fancy castle-mansion, and we don’t even play. So, maybe if I could get smart with marketing my books and doing this whole indie author thing, I might become a self-made billionaire. It could totally happen, so Batman’s on board with this plan too. We could get to our castle-mansion via my writing. It’s possible.

Just need my big break, guys. 😊

(or a little break. I’ll take what I can get)

But until then, it’s the non-directional dayjobness until I figure something out. Or win the lottery. Or discover a royal relative in Genovia. I’m sure I must be related to someone famous… Come on, I’m 34…they should’ve found me by now. Well, maybe 35 is my lucky year. Guess we’ll see. Either way, Batman is along for the ride, so at least we’ll figure it out together. (Insert sappy music)

Oh, and before I forget…

What does a caped crusader get his blushing 34 year old fiancé for her birthday:

YES. A Giant plush smiling vagina. Compliments of iheartguts. No, this isn’t derogatory or rude or anything like that. This is something we both chuckled over and something I’d said I wanted. This is love. (Insert Sweet music)

I Just Wanted My Free Cupcake, Guys

I didn’t know what to write last week.

I figured no post was better than five paragraphs of ramblings about makeup research or Pintrest fails or the fact that I still have to climb into my car every day. I guess no news is good news, but it’s boring news, and not worth-writing-about-news which isn’t stellar when you want to do that for a living.

*Sigh*

So, in addition to the nothing listed above, one of my bridesmaids and I did attend the Bridal Premier Expo on Sunday. Just so you understand, this is the opposite type of event for introverts who are passive-aggressive and don’t like confrontation. It’s a madhouse. A legit madhouse. And yet, I knowingly entered the lion’s den. Again.

Batman and I went earlier this  year, because, you know, we had to start on recon for the wedding. Everyone was IN MY FACE then, but it was mixed with excitement and fun because it was the first wedding thing we did, we didn’t know what to expect, and we needed the info. Now that all of our vendors are (mostly) booked, it’s not the same. It’s especially not the same since the second I walked in, two Prudential sales people hounded me about what I would do financially if Batman died. THEY HAD ME THINKING ABOUT BATMAN’S UNTIMELY DEATH. First booth in. I’m not supposed to think about that for a few years, when I get sick of his crap and decide to murder him for his money. And here they are, right out of the gate, asking me in front of everyone while I sip my overpriced mimosa. Rude.

I’d like to say it got better after that, but that’s only because miss awesome bridesmaid and I scored free food from a couple of the food vendors. But in order to get to them, we didn’t look anyone in the eye, and even that tactic didn’t work. THEY STILL FLAGGED ME DOWN. I nodded, pretended I was interested, falsely promised to return after we hit the perimeter and kept going—only to be accosted two booths down. I just wanted my free cupcake, guys.

Besides some much-needed girl-time, the only *real* reason we went to the expo was to do double recon on the DJ I hired, since I made a novice move and hired him without a face to face. I know. Stupid me. And when my wedding planner and venue said they never heard of him (and made the face like wtf is he?), I thought, well…shit. I fucked up. But I didn’t! 😊 Not only does he and the company exist, they were playing some kickass music. *Swipes brow* crisis averted.

But this expo…it’s like a car sale on ‘roids—except it’s for things you think you like (flowers and dresses and pretty table settings) but it’s scary and intimidating and makes you wish people would calm down because no, not everyone wants to sign up for a free trip to Sandals or hear their twenty minute spiel about what makes their company so great. We only stayed for a little over an hour, just to validate my DJ (check!) so now I can set my worrisome eyes to something else in the future wedding forecast.

Moral of the post? I’m not sure. Have face-to-face conversations with your vendors and prepare for battle when you enter a bridal expo. It usually helps if you have liquor in hand. For courage, and as a weapon. Trust me.

Fine, Universe, You’re Off the Hook

Last week kicked my ass. Can we all agree it sucked? ☹

Since my favorite Aunt was in town, everything was cranked up to the next level of crazy-emotional, and I found myself crying at work on THREE different occasions over things I would’ve normally bottled up and whined about to Batman. And not cute little tears that I could pass off as a tender moment of sadness. No. I straight up Ugly-Cried, guys. AT WORK. Where I have to go back and show my ugly-crying face daily. And since I don’t care enough to wear make-up, just imagine my level of sexiness. Yeah.

*shudders*

I also put my hand through a spider’s nest.

I’m going to give you a second to think about that. To really get the image. Not a web. A nest. A spider’s nest which means there was one fat momma and her *billions* of babies. Really soak in that image. Are you fainting yet?

Because I nearly did. After the scream that shook the earth (and a terrible day earlier; note the ugly-crying above) I about passed out because WHAT THE HELL UNIVERSE. Yeah, I know I don’t sweep every day since Appa leaves a healthy layer of fur on my floor, but I WAS GETTING TO IT. Why would you hide the forces of evil under my dryer sheet—with *billions* of evil babies—and then let me grab it? With my hand? The one that I use to write and CANNOT chop off even though it’s touched the lowest layer in hell and will forever be tainted.

*Barfing*

*wipes mouth*

Excuse me.

So, last week was fun. 😊

I still get sick in the morning (most mornings) and no, I’m not pregnant. I’m stressed, and my body just reacts. Though, I will say this is one of the best diets I’ve been on. Is it unhealthy? Of course. But so is depression, and that’s the next best option that I’d really rather not explore. The silver lining is that it’s been great for wedding-dress-shopping which I recently did. Want to know how it went? Let’s just call it the opposite of my spider’s-nest-drama because mom and sister helped me FIND MY WEDDING DRESS 😊😊😊

YES! I HAVE IT! Eons early, but I have it, and it’s perfect, and I cannot WAIT to put it on again (many, many months from now.) I’d *love* to describe every frigging detail down to the time of day we went and the number of dresses I tried on, but I can’t. Sometimes Batman reads my posts (sometimes…) and I don’t want him peeking in on anything his happy butt can wait to know in November 2020. If we’re besties in the real world, of course you’ll get the whole story (details included!). For everyone else, just imagine the most gorgeous, perfect dress you didn’t realize you wanted—or even knew existed. And it’s yours! GUYS. I HAVE MY WEDDING DRESS!

Okay, so maybe the tail end of last week turned out to be not so terrible. I’ll give you Friday afternoon and Saturday. But Monday through mid-Friday—WTF, Universe? And really, a SPIDER’S NEST? You know it’s the antithesis of everything pure and holy.

*shudders*

But I did find my wedding dress. And it’s so, so beautiful…

Fine, Universe, you’re off the hook this week. But only because Batman just might cry now. He swears he won’t ball at the ceremony, but this gown might be the trick. I hope so. I’d really hate for mom to lose her five bucks. 😊

I Only Feel Half Ripped-Off

I spent twenty dollars on a bridal magazine about flowers.

I’m obviously insane.

Do I have money like that to spend? No. But I’d neglected to check the price, and I liked what I’d flipped through, and my debit card was already out, about to be swiped. Everything was in motion. So, I got it. I spent TWENTY DOLLARS on a magazine because I’m awkward and can’t change my mind mid-purchase, and because it had pretty pictures that I could use for my wedding binder. That’s it. I should justify that a little better, but I can’t. These are the decisions I make. I wanted to finish my art project and apparently, I have good taste. Twenty-dollars-good. Also dropped five dollars at Starbucks so I must’ve been on a roll.

We’re approaching mid-May and a lot of decisions are being made eighteen months out (by the way—this is going to be a wedding post. Have I not mentioned that? Now you know. Carry on 😊). We have the venue and DJ booked and are in heavy research/ correspondence with a potential caterer and florist. Woop! Four out of the big five are in the process of being checked. The photographer is the last piece of the puzzle and I’m saving that for late summer.

I have a pintrest board and if you’re even the slightest bit interested/stalkery, feel free to take a look/stalk to your heart’s content:

SEE MY OBSESSIONS

Whatcha think? I have some ideas. Batman has some too, and we think this event is going to be kick-ass. That’s the goal. Have a kick-ass wedding. Just as I imagined as a little girl 😊

Well, I’m going to flip through my TWENTY DOLLAR magazine and figure out which images will be used for the wedding binder. It’s not even that thick of a magazine. But there are a lot of really beautiful, really inspiring images, so at least I only feel half ripped-off.

Still though…TWENTY DOLLARS?!?!

What the hell Virgo tendencies? Why didn’t you pick up on this shit the second I reached for the thing? Details are OUR THING.

Something in my eye

My eye is twitching again.

I’m going to blame it on the panic/anxiety/depression of looking for a job and realizing I’M NOT QUALIFIED FOR ANYTHING. Sorry that I’m not fluent in Spanish or Portuguese or Russian and no, I’m not efficient in EVERY computer skill as well as having twenty years experience, the ability to travel, work mandatory OT, or have arbitrary licenses. Geez. I’m 32 and have worked in an office for the last ten years doing random office things. But since I like writing (and no, I don’t want to be a teacher) I have to find some way to make ends meet while hoping my shaky car doesn’t break down on me.

There goes my eye again.

I look around at my friends who are (pretty much all) proficient in their fields and think ‘what the hell is wrong with me?’ Where did I go wrong? I was a good student, went to college and even got into the top end of my program (I studied under the department head)—so, what the hell am I doing? How did I end up here?

I’m *really* surprised I’m not an addict or have a substance abuse problem because that just seems to come with the artist mindset/lifestyle anyway. Add in the depressing job situation and I should be scratching myself from withdrawals. I don’t know. I keep thinking I made a wrong turn somewhere but can’t figure out where. Or how. Sometimes, I wish I was meant to be a nurse or a teacher or some obvious occupation because then I wouldn’t so unsure of myself. Does that make sense? Anyway, at least Batman and I are popular enough to attend several weddings where there are open bars 😊 We went to one on St. Patty’s day and it was a blast!

Let’s switch to that because it’s less depressing and I remembered to take some pictures this time:

Beautiful ceremony area before it starts!

Groomsmen hanging out before it starts (Batman is second from the right)

Welcome sign is ETCHED GLASS! How cool?!?!

….and a close up

Picture before we get sloppy off the open bar. I mean, *ahem* before we partake in refreshments.

Great thing to do in lieu of favors (Titan is their Corgi)

The happy couple’s first dance 🙂

Oh, and, after spending about half an hour trying to get the Patreon widget to work, I decided not to bother again until MY EYE STOPS TWITCHING. If you’re interested in becoming one of my patrons or even just viewing my page, you can check it out HERE <—

Please tell me if that doesn’t work!  Thanks 🙂

And a good day to you all!

Getting there, baby

I’m doing it.

I’m making a Patreon page. You’ll probably see the official I’VE MADE A PATREON post later this week when I’ve actually pushed the launch button, so, be on the lookout for that. 😉 Or not. There’s really no way for me to know. But I DID spend the better part of yesterday playing with my webcam to make my welcome video and whoa—are my eyes expressive. I never realized that I blink so much. I always knew I had a slight twitch so please, if you do head over to my page and watch the video, just know I’m not winking at you. It’s just my weird DNA mixed with anxiety and walla!—you have my oddball facial expressions.

I’ve been busy lately. And a good busy, I guess. I’m kind of looking for jobs, but I’m spending the majority of my time planning to promote Better Than This. For all/any of you creative types out there, I’m using Picmonkey which allows me to custom-make my own teasers/advertisements and whatnots. I *super* suggest checking it out even if you’re looking to host a party because they have templates for Facebook events and different things like that. But for all my authors (and I guess anyone with their own business), I snazzied up my fb author page by checking out this article. It lists marketing tools for people who hate marketing and I found it extremely useful, especially the part where I borrowed a template to make my shiny new cover photo for my author page. (Because I’m dumb, it took me a moment to realize the template was in a powerpoint and I ended up figuring out what/how my Google drive worked. So, lots of learning things.)

I’m dying to show you some of the teasers and advertising pieces I’ve put together, but I’m saving them for my Patreon page because, as promised, all new content will appear there first. But I DID post the below fake concert adds on my fb page with a poll to find out which you like better. Feel free to leave a comment here or cast your vote there. I’m honestly torn and could use some opinions and who’s better than yours? 😉

We’ll call this # 1

… and #2

Let’s see… what else…. oh! I did go to a wedding last Friday which was awesome. Because I forgot my phone in the car, I snagged some of Batman’s pics:

Real pretty, right? And the food was good too!

How’s life been treating you? Any advice on marketing/advertising? Which fake concert ad do you like better?