universe – C.G.Coppola

Last week kicked my ass. Can we all agree it sucked? ☹

Since my favorite Aunt was in town, everything was cranked up to the next level of crazy-emotional, and I found myself crying at work on THREE different occasions over things I would’ve normally bottled up and whined about to Batman. And not cute little tears that I could pass off as a tender moment of sadness. No. I straight up Ugly-Cried, guys. AT WORK. Where I have to go back and show my ugly-crying face daily. And since I don’t care enough to wear make-up, just imagine my level of sexiness. Yeah.

*shudders*

I also put my hand through a spider’s nest.

I’m going to give you a second to think about that. To really get the image. Not a web. A nest. A spider’s nest which means there was one fat momma and her *billions* of babies. Really soak in that image. Are you fainting yet?

Because I nearly did. After the scream that shook the earth (and a terrible day earlier; note the ugly-crying above) I about passed out because WHAT THE HELL UNIVERSE. Yeah, I know I don’t sweep every day since Appa leaves a healthy layer of fur on my floor, but I WAS GETTING TO IT. Why would you hide the forces of evil under my dryer sheet—with *billions* of evil babies—and then let me grab it? With my hand? The one that I use to write and CANNOT chop off even though it’s touched the lowest layer in hell and will forever be tainted.

*Barfing*

*wipes mouth*

Excuse me.

So, last week was fun. 😊

I still get sick in the morning (most mornings) and no, I’m not pregnant. I’m stressed, and my body just reacts. Though, I will say this is one of the best diets I’ve been on. Is it unhealthy? Of course. But so is depression, and that’s the next best option that I’d really rather not explore. The silver lining is that it’s been great for wedding-dress-shopping which I recently did. Want to know how it went? Let’s just call it the opposite of my spider’s-nest-drama because mom and sister helped me FIND MY WEDDING DRESS 😊😊😊

YES! I HAVE IT! Eons early, but I have it, and it’s perfect, and I cannot WAIT to put it on again (many, many months from now.) I’d *love* to describe every frigging detail down to the time of day we went and the number of dresses I tried on, but I can’t. Sometimes Batman reads my posts (sometimes…) and I don’t want him peeking in on anything his happy butt can wait to know in November 2020. If we’re besties in the real world, of course you’ll get the whole story (details included!). For everyone else, just imagine the most gorgeous, perfect dress you didn’t realize you wanted—or even knew existed. And it’s yours! GUYS. I HAVE MY WEDDING DRESS!

Okay, so maybe the tail end of last week turned out to be not so terrible. I’ll give you Friday afternoon and Saturday. But Monday through mid-Friday—WTF, Universe? And really, a SPIDER’S NEST? You know it’s the antithesis of everything pure and holy.

*shudders*

But I did find my wedding dress. And it’s so, so beautiful…

Fine, Universe, you’re off the hook this week. But only because Batman just might cry now. He swears he won’t ball at the ceremony, but this gown might be the trick. I hope so. I’d really hate for mom to lose her five bucks. 😊

I woke up with one word in my head: gossamer.

Gossamer: a fine, filmy cobweb seen on grass or bushes or floating in the air in calm weather; an extremely delicate variety of gauze, used especially for veils; fine spider silk.

There are a few details I remember from my dream last night before Batman’s wonderful screeching alarm alerted us to the new day: I was in a fitting room wearing a very pretty ivory gown that swooshed when I walked over pinkish-peach carpet. There was an old-time automobile repair shop next door with a man in overalls and a red fire truck and a dark purple sunset over the town. And the word gossamer.

I have the weirdest dreams. At times they mean absolutely nothing — just gargled information that seeps past the conscious and burrows deep into my brain like indigestion, only to rise again with no real purpose. But sometimes dreams hold the secret; wisdom I try to grasp in my subconscious knowing that when I wake, the answer will slip from my head and I’ll spend the entire day trying to remember the epiphany I wanted so much not to forget because it was the answer. The answer to what? To it all. To everything.

And I lost it.

But I have gossamer. It was blinding neon silver, a symphony of one note, both the beginning and the end and it was crucial that I remember. Gossamer. And for those of you who think that all dreams mean nothing, just the messed up version of your brain regurgitating crumbly bits of your life — I feel bad for you. You’re lost in this reality and you need to wake up. See the other side for a change, inhale the magic around you. Nothing is coincidence. Nothing is random.

It’s all connected.

Even as I’m sitting here writing this (should be working… but when inspiration strikes…) wanting to know what gossamer really means, Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine comes on Pandora. That means nothing to you but it’s like a shot of adrenaline to my curious mind. Because the cover album for this song is the very image that inspired a certain character’s wardrobe I described as “like the silky strands of a spider’s web.” AS I’m writing about gossamer.

You’re watching me, aren’t you universe? But what are you trying to tell me?

What is it?