I’m That Weirdo

Well, I’m sick. And not just in the head this time. But the nose and throat and my eyeballs feel like heavy marbles sitting in their sockets. Does that sound weird? Because that’s what it feels like when you’ve contracted the plague and are DYING. It’s really not the plague. It’s a healthy combination of self-neglect and self-induced stress with a side of erratic weather. I over-worked myself while neglecting to feed myself, and it’s Florida, so I never know what’s going on outside, and I ended up making myself ill. Or “maybe I caught it” for all you non-believers. Either way, my eyeballs seriously feel like marbles and as weird as it sounds, it’s accurate.

*Everything hurts*

I actually called out of work last Thursday. I only brag because I don’t ever call out (even when I am sick) because I’m that weirdo that worries about work when I’m not there. All the emails I’m getting. All the requests and little red flags waiting for me when I sign in again. It drives me nuts, especially when I have vacationed planned. But I’ve worked myself up to those days. I’ve prepped, and put on my out of office so everyone understands the emergency of me not responding to their email ASAP.

But if I call out? (And no, I don’t have one of those jobs where I’m important enough to log into my work email from home.  Separate worlds, my friends.) How will people know? Will it all be okay? Will the world keep from imploding???

Turns out, it will. Friday (only slightly better) I returned to work and found it did not actually crumble. And, had I been playing hooky or doing something that required any amount of intense brain power, I would’ve spent the day wondering about all work coming in, and the guilt over not doing it. But, as it was, Thursday provided very little brain power and I spent it watching Drive and Tangled. And sleeping. A lot of sleeping. This plague has stretched to today with my marble eyeballs and hoarse throat, but hopefully it’s on its way out. Then again, it’s the holidays and we pass that shit around like hot potato, so… who knows?

How do you feel when you miss a day of work? Have you caught any bugs going around, or gave yourself one?


I stayed home sick today.

And unlike little Peggy Ann Mackay, it doesn’t matter what day of the week it is. Saturday, Tuesday, Friday– there’s no going to school or work for me with the way I’m feeling. Nope. Not happening. It started last week with a sore throat and then worked its way up to a full blasted CANNOT-GO-IN-THIS-COLD-IS-CRAZY-RIDICULOUS-MUST-STAY-HOME-AND-VEG thing. So I did. And it was much needed. But I still had time to write. Because there’s always time to write.

And read.

Which I do, every time I get sick. Because no matter how bad it is, I’m never as sick as little Peggy Ann Mackay. Wondering who she is, eh? Well you should get your Shell Silverstein education on because our dear friend little Peggy is QUITE the hypochondriac. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is wrong with this little weirdo. She’s got the measles and the mumps and, if I’m remembering correctly, a gash, a rash and purple bumps. Yikes. Not sure I want to know what caused purple bumps but I can safely assure you that I don’t have those.

Seriously, if you’ve never read Sick or any of the *fabulous* poems by Shell Silverstein, I HIGHLY suggest you get on that. I’d start with my personal favorite Where the Sidewalk Ends but grab whatever tickles your fancy. Hell, even give The Giving Tree a try. Expose yourself to Shell Silverstein. Do it. I dare you. And when you’re done, you can come back here and thank me. I’ll be waiting.

My rendition:

I cannot go to work today.
I’m sick and old and feeling gray.
I have the coughs and sneezes too.
A bad headache—could be the flu.
My throat is sore, my head feels foggy.
I’m shuffling around just like a zombie.
I’m tired and sleepy and need to nap.
Fuck being sick. It feels like crap.

But at least I don’t have purple bumps.
Take that, Peggy Ann Mackay.