Dibs for Dying First

I’ve claimed it. Over Batman. I don’t care when you go—well, I do, because you’re awesome—but in this relationship, the one involving the caped crusader and I, I’ve called dibs. I don’t want to be left behind with the ostriches and the castle-mansion mortgage and of course, Fartswell.

It wouldn’t be the same.

Walk the Line was on.

It’s inevitable that every time we catch some segment of the film, Batman and I will turn to each other and claim the right to die first. This probably seems odd as this is a love story, but Johnny Cash passed three months after June Carter. THREE MONTHS. If that’s not dying of a broken heart, I don’t know what is. And who wants to be left with that? A broken heart? Hence the dibs. I die first and you must accept the suckage of living without my awesomeness. I think that’s fair. Oh! And if this is *true* love between us, I’ve explained to Batman that he MUST hold my body in his shaking arms with a waterfall of tears, like Snape did with Lily. That’s how I’ll know it’s real.

Come on, who wasn’t crying that exact moment? Even if you hated Snape the entire time and really did think he killed Dumbledore (what—have you no faith in people?) his absolute love of Lily was too much not to get choked up over. I’m serious—EVERY time I watch that scene, I cry. EVERY TIME. Sometimes, when I’m too lazy to get up and put the movie on, I’ll YouTube that part and just start crying over my laptop. Batman looks at me like he’s not sure if he should pretend he doesn’t see me, or grab me a full glass of wine. Before he does either, I sniffle, turn the screen to him and yell, “You better love me this much! I want you to shake my body when I’m dead!” at which point he goes back to playing XBOX and pretending he has less of a weirdo for a girlfriend.

But I’m serious. Dibs for dying first, bitch. That’s my motto. Sure he can marry some skank after I’m gone, but will she compare to me? That’s most likely a no, unless he marries up like Emma Stone. She’s probably the only exception. But anyone else and it just won’t be as much fun for him. Which makes me think maybe he should go first, so he’ll never have to know true pain. But I want my body shook, damnit! I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Besides, he’ll hear about it for eternity in the afterlife if he doesn’t, and I just don’t have the energy for that. Hence the reminders. I think this is an awesome act on my part to prevent that.

So, dibs for dying first, bitch.

Anyway… in case you’re curious, here’s a picture of our neighborhood cat, Sir Carlton.

Sir Carlton

Pensive, isn’t he? Look at those white old-man whiskers. It’s like he’s staring into your soul.  I hope not, since he’s been occupying a chair on our back porch for the last few nights and I really could do without some demon-possessed neighborhood cat.  Or even a good-possessed neighborhood cat (is that a thing?) I just don’t want him turning into a death eater and dragging me off to Azkaban because that would be a terrible way to start off the holidays.

21 days until Christmas!

Little Fixes to Keep Me Satisfied

One of the good things about October is the return of 2 of my shows—The Walking Dead and American Horror Story.

I’ve been missing Hershel’s pointed eyebrows since last season. And Darryl and Carol—will they finally hook up? Or is that a mother-son thing going on there? I can’t figure it out. Whatever it is, let’s get this Oedipus thing rolling and finally address the tension! And this time, for American Horror story, they’re focusing on witches. Witches! Yes! First it was a haunted house and then it was the asylum… now we get to learn about voodoo witches. Really, I don’t mind what the storyline is, as long as Evan Peters is still in it. Him and Jessica Lange. The two of them together with their crazy eyes and intense scenes make it impossible to look away. And I love it.

I’m not a dramatic person by nature, so I need these little fixes to keep me satisfied. I could probably get them from other shows but I don’t really watch TV. I mean, I could, but there’s no time when I’m busy working as a starving artist. Every free minute is a writing minute! So, when my few shows do come on, I need to watch them. And they need to address all the drama I don’t get in my day to day life (which, for the record, I prefer). So, for your reading pleasure—and because you asked so nicely—here’s my list of shows enticing enough to actually put the laptop down… for an hour or so, at least:

Walking Dead

American Horror Story

Big Bang Theory (Bazinga!)

Game of Thrones

The Office (seasons 1-3. Certain episodes in the 4th and the engagement/wedding episode. Oh, and for those of you who don’t really know me, I’m in *love* with Jim Halpert. Like, I drink my morning coffee out of a mug with his face. Not in a creepy way, like I stalked John Krasinski. But it was an Office mug from my friend Ecuador for my birthday a few years ago. And yes, when I say love, I mean love. Jim Halpert is my future husband—sorry Pam. I know you’re thinking, “what does Batman say to this?” He understands competely. Besides, he will one day leave me for Emma Stone. It’s better to talk about these things early.)

Avatar, the Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra. (if you’ve never seen either of these shows, please stop what you’re doing right now and check them out. Seriously. You’re welcome. I walked in on Batman watching Airbender and actually mocked him for being a grown man that watches cartoons… and then I got sucked in and had to eat my words because now I’m such a fan that we actually discuss episodes in length. And… nerd alert… I have to be on my couch on Fridays at 7:00 to watch the newest episode of Korra, because that’s too important to me to miss. Yeah. Now you know.)

Breaking Bad (we’re only on season three so no spoilers!)

True Blood

I’m sure there’re more but I can’t really think of them. Besides, like I said, I don’t watch too much television because I’m always glued to this laptop, writing something—editing the latest manuscript, working on the next one or typing up this blog. My fingers hurt. Like actually hurt. Is there any place to get a finger massage? Wow, that sounds dirty. But maybe that’s the thirteen year old boy in me. Wow… that sounds even worse.

I’m going to stop now.

So hurray for the return of The Walking Dead and American Horror Story! And Kathy Bates is in this season. How could it be bad with the unsinkable Molly Brown?

Good times ahead, my friends. Good times, ahead.