Getting Aroused By My Armpit

Today I wore Batman’s deodorant.

Not one of my prouder moments, but also, not the first time it’s happened. I should be more responsible like you guys. You know, actually take inventory of stuff I need and not, when I reach for toilet paper, or, in this case, deodorant, find I don’t have it. And then I’m staring at the empty roller or stick like it’s their fault they didn’t tell me they were running low.

The nerve of some inanimates.

But, since we’re not in an age where my Mitchum can tell me it only has one or two swipes left, I sadly discovered I was all out this morning and so, I reached for Batman’s Axe instead. Again, this isn’t the first time I’ve had to go for his supply. Two years ago, I found myself in the same predicament. I was completely out of my speed stick so I did a solid swipe of Axe under both pits, hoping no one would notice. Besides, I’d rather smell like a dude than emit some terrible sweaty stench—lesser of two evils, right? But then, the inevitable happened:

“Are you wearing men’s deodorant?”


THANK GOD we were alone because it was as if she’d solved the riddle of the Sphinx. There were no dudes around—only us—so where was the delicious masculine scent coming from? Oh yes, it was wafting off of little old me. I admitted to the faux pas, and hoped it would be the last time I’d ever have to… and then today happens.

I’m not sure if it’s worse, but I had a thorough swipe under one arm before my Mitchum decided to crap out on me. With a defeated sigh (and angry we’re not at an age where my deodorant can talk) I had to go for Batman’s. So I went into work today smelling half like a woman and half like a man. The disappointing thing was, every time I lifted my right arm, a wave of the yummy male scent hit me and for the briefest of seconds, I thought Batman was nearby. Him, or some other incredibly good smelling dude. But it was no one. I just kept getting aroused by my armpit. Which is never something you want.  I wasn’t asked about the scent—THANK GOD—but I kept deceiving myself throughout the day which made it incredibly long and confusing.

So, you’d assume that on my way home from work, I’d stop and stock up. Well, that’s what you get for assuming. I was already used to the scent of the Axe (and yes, half smelling like a guy), so that by the time I drove home, I’d forgotten I needed my Mitchum. I could go out now, but I’ve already nestled into my recliner and the two—maybe three—glasses of wine aren’t helping me with anything, except writing this blog about wearing Batman’s deodorant. Yes, this is what my life consists of.

And I love it.

It’s been a while since I’ve written my last post, so let’s see… what else?

For Halloween this past weekend, Batman and I went as Mario and Luigi. Yeah—we’re that couple. I’d have a picture of us if I actually remembered to take one. It was also the weekend of the Florida-Miami game so all attention was diverted. I’ll be honest—I’m terrible with school spirit (one of the things Batman wishes was different) but my focus was on watching him watch the game. It was kind of awesome. The phone was somewhere nearby, but obviously not in my hands to capture such an amazing picture as Luigi sitting on the couch and yelling at the ref over some dumbass call. Besides, I’d doubt he’d want those pictures posted. And then, at the party (which was a Vintage Video game theme) everyone was busy playing Duck Hunt and NBA Jam and Mario Cart, so no one had their phones out and snapping pictures. I’m not a big gamer, so I stuck to sucking at Duck Hunt for five rounds (by the way—why can’t we shoot that dog? He was a laughing bastard the entire time I was playing and then, when I actually shot a duck, he held them up in pride like it was him who got the kill. What the hell you stupid dog?) So, sadly, no pictures of our amazing portrayal of the famed Italian plumbers. You can go ahead and use that imagination, though. I’m sure it beats out the reality.

Other than that, life is pretty much the same… we’re creeping further down the year toward Christmas. I know right?!?!? Where the hell did 2013 go? For those of you who know about Escape from Harrizel, I’ll report that that the reason so few blogs have gone up recently is due to the edits of book 2, Plague of Mybyncia, which I plan on getting to the editor by December. (Cross your fingers, toes, eyes, arms and anything else willing to fold over another body part). I’ve been working away each night to make sure I can have the final product ready to go in spring. And I’m super excited so far!

Things are looking good right now, so once I get around to the grocery store for the Mitchum, everything will be back on track. But I’m lazy and might not get to the store before work. Should I chance day two of smelling like a man? I don’t mind, but can I risk walking around with a heavy scent of masculine sexy? I don’t want to upset the other ladies…