My excuse is I’ve been writing.

Probably not a great excuse (even from a writer) but it’s true. I’ve been writing a lot. A LOT. Was any of it a blog or the newsletter I needed to send out? Nah, because that would make too much sense. I’m apparently sabotaging myself simply because I’m too excited to write this second book. So, there you go. All the reasons for all the failures BUT I do have some news:

First, check out these bananas:

I can’t believe these were just sitting in Walmart next to all the normal-sized bananas and no one wanted to buy them. Um—hello? Are we not all aware of how amazingly phallic these are? I did, so I bought them and brought one into work last Friday because I’m mentally ten years old and wanted to have some fun.

Second, I have the scoop on the missing chicken. Didn’t know the chicken was missing? Good for you, because it’s been hard to find in nearby grocery stores for us. Normally, they only have the thighs and wings and things I’m not quite sure how to cook. But I like chicken breasts and apparently, they are a hot commodity because the RESTAURANTS ARE BUYING THEM ALL. Yep. A talkative Walmart employee spilled the beans—how gas prices are ridiculously high, so instead of buying wholesale from their distributor, restaurants are finding it’s cheaper to purchase from local supermarkets, robbing us consumers, and hence, all the chicken is gone. Because of politics.

 I try to keep politics out of this blog but I’m afraid that time has come, my friends. Politics (sadly) is tied to almost everything in our daily lives; I just never thought it’d be tied to the amount of chicken I can buy. CHICKEN. So, there’s that.

Third (and possibly the best, although the phallic bananas might be my favorite…) I witnessed a real-life, in-person movie kiss. Now, for a romance writer, this is pretty dope. I saw something that I write about in my stories, so to see it happen in real life—in reality—was just frigging awesome.

It was after a long day that left me literally twitching (IT spent thirty minutes trying to correct my monitor display sizes only to leave the contents on my right screen shaking, thus, leaving me with a twitchy eye and likely future bouts of epilepsy) and after getting on the interstate to find myself in the SECOND horrendous traffic jam that week, I opted to take a side road I normally don’t. But fuck it. I’d rather explore new routes than sit in a sea of headlights and feel myself slowly dying. It was down the side street that new traffic forced me to slow to a crawl in a residential area, and that’s when I spotted the couple.

She was a student—maybe college—with a purple backpack, curly brown hair, and a bike she seemed proud of. He stood almost a foot taller and had big ears with some jersey on. I had my windows up, so I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it didn’t matter. They were talking, and the next second, he brought both hands to the side of her face and planted one on her for all rush-hour traffic to see. Her shoulders slumped in giddiness, like she couldn’t believe it.

I couldn’t believe it. Kind of made all the traffic and eye-twitching worth it. If anything, definitely inspiration for future books because love does exist.

Sorry for the long post but wanted to keep you guys up to date with all the major life situations currently occurring. At least, the ones I feel comfortable writing about on this blog. I’m still in shock (not really) that there’s a war over chicken breasts, that bananas can be so…generous, and that I was able to witness a real-life movie-kiss.

Also, a LOT of writing has gotten done, but who cares about that?

Not me.

~ Lady Caitlin

I’m writing this last-minute (literally the night before) because I felt crappy missing another post. As I keep saying, no news is good news, but it also makes for a shitty blog. I need to talk about something, and since ARPIP is still on the same track, work is still asking almost ten hours of me each day, I figured it might be best to skip this week too. The only thing of note are the two seizures Appa had on Sunday, and I kind of don’t like thinking about them.

So, since we have practically no news, I’m going to bullet-point the recent highlights:

Yes, Appa had back-to-back seizures, but he’s doing fine now. I think. I’m not really sure since he hasn’t learned English yet, so he can’t tell me what’s causing them. Or how he feels.

The unicorn-silver hair keeps sparkling its way through my chocolate-brown locks, and part of me wants to pluck them all out. I don’t, but I stare at myself in the mirror for a while thinking about it.

No, I haven’t seen Maverick, and I won’t. Tom Cruise. Yuck.

I won two dollars off a lottery scratch-off and instead of cashing them in, I bought two more lottery scratch-offs and won a dollar. I’m not sure what to do this round.

Regis thinks the mirror in my office is a portal. I keep a decorative one on the floor because Batman hasn’t put it up yet, and every time the dog sees it, she gets hypnotized and won’t move, like she’s stuck in it. Sometimes, it freaks me out because what if it is a magic portal…?

I tried one of the best donuts I’ve ever had. It was French-toast flavored and flaky like a croissant and the shop is literally down the street from my house. This is how it feels to be introduced to heroin.

We’re hosting a Mortal Kombat/90s party this weekend. If I don’t post a picture, just imagine overalls, platform shoes, chokers, and butterfly clips. I’ll be wearing them all (but no bangs. Not this time).

Those are the highlights. Maybe next week I’ll win the real lottery, but that seems far-fetched since I don’t play it. But…you never know. A girl can dream and pray and be delusional.

It’s our right.

~ Lady Caitlin