Batman and I haven’t been taking Appa with us on our daily walks. That probably makes us terrible pet parents, but whatever. I make up for it in overindulging my baby with expensive cookies that look like Oreos. The dog is far from spoiled. But he’s *extremely* hyper and energetic and sixty pounds of all muscle, so when he pulls on his harness, you go flying. Well, I go flying because I’m weak and have fragile hands and always think he’s easier to walk than he is. (Don’t get me wrong. Appa is a wonderful—if not the best—dog, but he’s definitely a handful. I know. I heard the vet talking about us outside of the exam room.)

So, I’ve been pushing to take him back on walks with us because 1) he absolutely loves it 2) you’re *supposed* to take your dog on walks 3) Batman usually ends up with the leash. It’s terrible because again, it’s usually my suggestion to take the dog with us, but after Appa tugs too hard the first few times, Batman automatically reaches for the leash, like it’s his personal goal to conquer the beast—and show me how. I don’t object. I get my hands back—all red and sore—and get to walk in peace while Batman and Appa play Alpha vs Beta, with Appa continually losing. You think he would learn. But he’s outside, exploring the neighborhood he so rarely gets to see. It’s a sort of freedom, and I don’t think playing tug of war with his dad bothers him the way it bothers me and Batman. So, I fight for him. I fight for him to go on our walks and the other day, Batman agreed.

It did not go well.

It started out fine. The day was beautiful. A crisp 60 something degrees in Florida—the kind of day we normal Floridians long for. We’d made it down the first street in our neighborhood when Appa—surprise, surprise—started pulling on his leash. I made him sit to reinforce my command, when suddenly, out of fucking nowhere, three dogs came racing over, barking their heads off. No leashes. No invisible fence to keep them from mauling their neighbors. They circled Batman and Appa, growling and snapping. Even as he yelled at them to leave, I had to clap my hands and try and scare them off. I was pretty ineffective, especially since it took me a minute to realize what was happening. We were walking our dog in our neighborhood. How the hell are we under attack? When I snapped out of it, I tried making as much noise as possible to at least draw their attention away, because Batman was seconds away from killing them.

That’s when the neighbor came running out, apologizing. Oh, and laughing. He was also laughing. I guess to him, watching his three dogs nearly attack my dog and my fiancé is funny. I don’t know. But I’m also not a sick bastard so…

*shrugs*

With the pulling and the possible dog attacks, bringing Appa with us has been shelved again. Probably for a while. But we’ve also blacklisted McDonalds and Burger-King for poor service, and we’ve gone back plenty of times, which says a lot about our diet, but shut up. We’re trying. The topic of bringing Appa with us will come back up, and probably when Batman is in a super good mood. Of if Appa did something good. There will be a right moment, and I will conquer it. But for this time around, we struck out. ☹ Damn neighborhood dogs.