Nope Nope NOPE

I left a one-star review on a hotel. ☹

Typically, I refrain from reviewing or rating my experiences because 1) I just don’t care and 2) I forget about it minute a later, so it’s rare that I leave a comment. However, I left one about my stay in Tampa two days ago. I mean, look,, if you really want feedback on the TERRIBLENESS of your suggested option, I will tell you:

First: GROSS

HOW are there sooooooo many rips in the curtains? WHY are there stains in the lamp shades? WHERE did the paint go? WHY IS THIS NOT OBVIOUSLY BEING ADDRESSED BY STAFF? (Oh, and there was a tear in the “comforter” too. Batman showed me but I was too annoyed to take yet another picture. Plus, I didn’t want to think about the possible stabbing that caused it. *shudders*)

Second: LIARS

If the grossness wasn’t enough, how about the act of betrayal? Usually, I stick to my code of known name brand with a king bed and free breakfast. But we were going to be in Tampa for a night. One night. I wasn’t shelling out two hundred dollars—the going rate—for one night. But this place looked nice. Pictures were great and, if I’m to be honest (and somewhat shallow), the outside reminded me of a Holiday Inn.


These fools bought (or possibly found) an old Holiday Inn and didn’t bother to renovate. You can tell it’s an old Holiday Inn because the outline of the letters are still clearly visible on the building, which means they also didn’t bother to clean. Or put any sort of effort into making this place their own. Or good. Or hospitable.

Third: EMPTY

To top it all off, they were out of candy.

I sent Batman on a mission for a bottle of water and a candy bar. He came back with the water and nothing else, and part of me died. No candy. No FREAKING candy. Ripped curtains. Stained lamp. LIED TO. And now no candy?

What. The. Fuck.

Let this be a lesson to you: stick to the code. Don’t deter from the code or else THIS will happen. You’ll find yourself candy-less in a bed where a stabbing most likely occurred, next to a set of drapes where the stabbing most likely continued. The whole place is a murder scene. You’re in a murder scene.

Stick to the code.

EDIT: I DID take a picture of the rip in the “comforter”

I wasn’t lying. Not like some “hotels.”

But seriously, how are you out of candy?!?!

4 thoughts on “Nope Nope NOPE

  1. dolorah at Book Lover says:

    Cant always tell if a hotel is going to be awesome, blase, or just plain awful. I travel for a living, and stay in lots of motels/hotels. Sometimes I book somewhere cuz I’m tired and its a big name motel, and find out its crappy. I’ve spent the night in my car when the non-smoking room smelled like cigarettes, or the smell was so bad (and yes, there is such a thing as too much Clorox or potpourri), or the room was so nasty I worried that the bugs might also get sick in the room.

    The booking companies don’t actually go to these hotels and check them out. The rely on reviews; and more importantly, if the hotel pays the fee to be on their booking site, they are accepted.

    A bad hotel experience is worse the more you pay for one night!

  2. cgcoppola says:

    God, I can’t imagine being in really crappy rooms where the bugs get sick! ICK. Since you travel for a living, I wish you all the pleasant, most non-crappy stays to come 🙂

  3. Loni Townsend says:

    Dude, I’m sorry you had such a bad experience. I’ve never had that bad of one. Then again, it’s been a while since I’ve gone anywhere where I actually need a hotel room.

    Hope the next one is better!

  4. C.D. Gallant-King says:

    Sweet Jesus, that’s disgusting. Though to be fair, all hotels are gross. Even the ones that LOOK clean, do you know how many naked asses have sat on that chair? And how often they steam clean the upholstery?

    It’s even worse when you take kids to a hotel. Because they will inevitably start moving furniture, pictures, etc. around and find the hidden things that the hotel didn’t want you to see. If the stuff they LET you see is that bad, can you imagine how bad the hidden stuff is???

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