March 27, 2019 – C.G.Coppola

I left a one-star review on a hotel. ☹

Typically, I refrain from reviewing or rating my experiences because 1) I just don’t care and 2) I forget about it minute a later, so it’s rare that I leave a comment. However, I left one about my stay in Tampa two days ago. I mean, look, Hotels.com, if you really want feedback on the TERRIBLENESS of your suggested option, I will tell you:

First: GROSS

HOW are there sooooooo many rips in the curtains? WHY are there stains in the lamp shades? WHERE did the paint go? WHY IS THIS NOT OBVIOUSLY BEING ADDRESSED BY STAFF? (Oh, and there was a tear in the “comforter” too. Batman showed me but I was too annoyed to take yet another picture. Plus, I didn’t want to think about the possible stabbing that caused it. *shudders*)

Second: LIARS

If the grossness wasn’t enough, how about the act of betrayal? Usually, I stick to my code of known name brand with a king bed and free breakfast. But we were going to be in Tampa for a night. One night. I wasn’t shelling out two hundred dollars—the going rate—for one night. But this place looked nice. Pictures were great and, if I’m to be honest (and somewhat shallow), the outside reminded me of a Holiday Inn.

BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT WAS PREVIOUSLY.

These fools bought (or possibly found) an old Holiday Inn and didn’t bother to renovate. You can tell it’s an old Holiday Inn because the outline of the letters are still clearly visible on the building, which means they also didn’t bother to clean. Or put any sort of effort into making this place their own. Or good. Or hospitable.

Third: EMPTY

To top it all off, they were out of candy.

I sent Batman on a mission for a bottle of water and a candy bar. He came back with the water and nothing else, and part of me died. No candy. No FREAKING candy. Ripped curtains. Stained lamp. LIED TO. And now no candy?

What. The. Fuck.

Let this be a lesson to you: stick to the code. Don’t deter from the code or else THIS will happen. You’ll find yourself candy-less in a bed where a stabbing most likely occurred, next to a set of drapes where the stabbing most likely continued. The whole place is a murder scene. You’re in a murder scene.

Stick to the code.

EDIT: I DID take a picture of the rip in the “comforter”