Everything I write is crap.
That’s my insecurity this month. I don’t know if a plug came loose or it was that nerve-wracking critique group I went to, or if it’s the man in the moon (what my sister calls him) wreaking havoc this past week, but I’ve lost that… oomph. That hell yeah I can conquer this bitch mentality because right now, I feel like an ill-equipped hobbit throwing down with Gandalf the White. And I’m not even a Baggins.
I don’t know what happened. I was full speed ahead the past few months and now I’m chewing on my fingernails while my brain and heart fight over which will implode first. Hopefully this is a wave of panic that can be easily suppressed with sufficient wine and chocolate, which is why I have stocked up on both. We all go through it—in all walks of life– and I guess my turn to fear and doubt and basically freak out is up. But instead of focusing on the fact this even this blog blows sufficient donkey dick, I’m going to list some of the awesome things that have happened recently:
- Check Engine light came on—car has not broken down yet.
- Flipped channels and found The Notebook—tuned in right at the rain scene. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.
- Attended 1920’s mystery party—found entire outfit in Goodwill/Betty Griffin House DAY OF and received several compliments. (**Did not solve mystery. Busy cashing in on successful bootlegging achievement)
- Walked through hurricane-like thunderstorm—did not fall once or get blown over.
- Saw scary ass looking spider on the floor—was already super dead.
(You’ve got to find the miracle in everything.) Hopefully this blah-punch-me-in-the-face feeling will pass and I’ll be back on board the optimism train. What about you? How are you feeling this month?
And if, somehow, you stumbled upon this blog at random (you lucky bastard) the first Wednesday of every month is IWSG which is a time and virtual place for writers of all stages to share their doubts and fears and to offer encouragement to those who might need it. If you’re feeling similarly frightened or exceptionally inspired (or just nosey) I highly suggest you check it out. IWSG is a monthly blog hop started by Alex Cavanaugh.
When I read the first part of your post, this song came to mind:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVZh4WcdC3s
Sorry, I can pretty much pair a song with everything I hear. You can ask my co-workers and how often I burst out singing. BTW, I’m not a very good singer.
It’s good that you can look at some of the amazing things that have happened and acknowledge them as being good. That’s a positive step. And remember, there’s at least one person out there (me) who doesn’t think your writing is crap. Hope you find your confidence and optimism again!
I used to sing aloud at work too until too many people gave me “kind reminders” that it was a work place and that they had to focus – all I can take away from that is I’m an obviously talented singer.
And yes – at least I have you, Loni! I’m sure this is just a phase of poopy-headedness, but it just happened to coincide with the first of the month, so I’d thought I’d share. Thanks for being a positive reminder (and pal!)
Yep, this kind of thing happens to most of us. It WILL pass though – you’ve just got to ride it out. The wine and the chocolate will help with that. 🙂 Hang in there!
Oh, I expect to get waves of this feeling from time to time. I just haven’t had one in a while so it’s foreign and somehow, darkly powerful. But yes, wine and chocolate have soothed me before – I’m counting on them to get me through the tough days ahead 🙂
This moment will pass. Just gotta keep going no matter what :]
EXACTLY. Even if it’s 30 min, 10 min, 5 min a day – just got to keep working at it! Thanks!
Everything we all write is crap. Fortunately no one has any taste so it all balances out. 😉
Writing, like life, is all ups and downs. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and all that. Seems like you’re already good at figuring out the bright side of things. That’s the hardest part.
But seriously though, get that engine light checked.
I know… I need to.
Or just get a good pair of walking shoes. That should help with the weight-loss too.
Haha our posts are very similar today! Mine is also a little ‘what the heck I feel crappy’ and ‘but all these great things happened!’
All I can say is just keep writing. Your writing doesn’t suck like you think it does. Your inner critics are just being really loud right now. Go watch the video I linked to in my post. It will help.
Happy IWSG Day!
~ AJ
I can’t click on your name because you’re not a wordpresser 🙁 and I can’t find you on the IWSG list either! 🙁 What’s your blog name?
I want to watch the video you posted… and yes, happy IWSG Day!
Loni; thanks for the song. Very appropriate.
CG: sometimes it can take a while for the sting of a critique to subside. When it does, you either realize the crit had some merit, or that it was total crap and not worth the worry. Give yourself time to mull it over. I have found wine helps quite well with that.
Good thing you know how to look at the accomplishments 🙂
Wine helps with everything.
And you MUST look at the accomplishments. Good thing is, they’re everywhere.:)
Yeah, I hear you. You mentioned in my comments you were in the same head space. I truly hope you find your mojo again. 🙂 If you do, let me know how you did it.
You’ve been to my blog, so you know how I’m feeling this week. >_< But I can say that the plot I'm working on hasn't crashed and burned and I'm getting a paycheck tomorrow for the first time since February, so it's not all bad.
As for writing crap, well, that's how it all starts: https://twitter.com/ChuckWendig/status/405700180852629504 I remind myself of that every time I think about my first drafts. Oi.
I’ve been feeling that way about everything lately. “Blah, blah, who cares, leave me the F alone!” but it’s slowly fading. maybe it’s something to do with the time of year? or radio waves? Or sun spots?
That said everything you write is NOT crap! I have started your story on Wattpad (must read slow so I do not run out before more is added – because then I might have to bug you about more!) and I love, love, love your Arizel series (I was just recommending it earlier today!) so ignore that little voice and trust me – you rock!
Thanks, Joleene. I really needed that today.
I’m sorry you’ve been feeling the same way. Like, what the HELL universe? Are you on your period because it’s freaking me out.
I am actually, Lol!