Just Give Me the Wine

I’m sad.

I just calculated the money needed to attend a very awesome, very important-sounding writing conference that I’ve been planning to attend for a few months. I had a rough figure in my head (I must’ve been extremely delusional), but hadn’t gotten the details because I knew it’d be expensive. And I didn’t want to be discouraged. But there was hope: I spent November and December KILLING myself with forced overtime that was super terrible and depressing and I kept myself going by thinking “this will go to the conference. Do it for the conference!” and then, being the RESPONSIBLE adult that I am, I shoved more than half my tax return into the ol’ savings account (other half went to Capital One for fronting money on my root canal. A pinch to myself for clothes and odd items from Ross since that’s where I like spending money when I actually have some.) All the extra savings was supposed to go to this conference, a conference I still really want to attend.

But, shit.

I just checked the numbers. I can’t afford it even if I go by myself, which I don’t want to since I’ll get lost (in NY and the hotel. I have an incredible power to confuse myself and misunderstand directions. It’s a wonder I survived my six week study-abroad program in Amsterdam. And that I actually made it back. Like, with all limbs and consciousness of the entire trip. I think.)

Now I feel like downing a bottle of wine, which is super possible since I have about ten at home. I’m not a lush, just a Wino. And my friends and family gift accordingly. But come on… can I just throw a goat at the situation and call it a day? Why is bartering still not a thing? A commonly accepted thing. Who wouldn’t want my random pieces of crap from Ross? They’re fun – they’ve entertained me. And important conference people, I know you’d benefit from them too!

Trade ya a giant gold key for an economy class ticket to NYC. Oh you like my multi-patterned- fabric giraffe? It’s yours for a two-night stay at the Roosevelt. And I just KNOW this Abby Road Sign would look *fantastic* in your music room, so throw me a registration pass and we’ll be set.

See? I can barter.

Or I can take all that money and buy the dog I’ve always wanted. Appa, I’m coming for you. But a boxer/corgi/shepherd isn’t going to help me network. And meet important folks who know about writing, who like to talk about writing and help me with my writing and, most importantly, marketing.

Which is what I desperately need.

Ah, it’s time to drink. A lot. And think. The two usually don’t go well together, although Hemingway might disagree. But there was normally a typewriter involved. And I have a Microsoft computer from 2008. It’s missing the “S” button due to a severe case of writer’s block and immaturity. But it’ll do.

Come on, let’s bring bartering back. Take my crap and give me an opportunity. It’ll be like donating to charity and getting something awesome in return. Like, in addition to good vibes and tax write-offs. You know you want to.

I'm totally worth a two night stay at the Roosevelt.

I’m totally worth a two night stay at the Roosevelt.

Ah, what the hell. Just give me the wine.

3 thoughts on “Just Give Me the Wine

  1. Sharon says:

    We play the lottery every week, hoping for a win, even a small one. We don’t even pray for the “big one”, just a few thousand to pay for something. But so far, no dice. I promise that if we do ever win, we’ll give some to you for your dreams………just wish we could afford to pay for your conference, I know your Dad would love to just give you the money if he had it. Even if he didn’t have it, he’d give you what he could. Life is hard – but I hope you know we love you!!!!!!!

    Like

  2. Joleene Naylor says:

    This is why I have never been to one either. Or comicon for that matter.

    You can do a lot of marketing without the big conferences, though. Most of success is pure luck, but there are lots of places to advertise – especially if you have a book for free (like the first in your series) – and since you have all that money saved up I’d sink a portion into that. there are some really good sites out there (if I was good I could tell you the names off the top of my head – I can’t, but I can find them – I saved a list) and many are expensive (some are 200$ to list) however authors who have used those have sworn to amazing results. I did some small and cheap advertising myself last November and managed to give away a bunch of books and sell a few (i lost steam because I ran out of free/dirt cheep places to advertise, but had I kept going, adding it to better and better sites, who knows?) Networking is great, but in the end connections rarely sell books (they do make contracts though if that’s what you want) because your contacts are also trying to sell books and you;re all just shouting at random passers by, which is why I say targeted advertising to people who are already looking for a book is a better use of time and money. It’s the only time I have had any success at all.

    Anyway, just my two cents worth. 😉

    Like

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