I haven’t blogged since Saturday, when Batman bamboozled me with a fake body of pillows. Since then, nothing much has happened, but I still feel an update is owed. And since I lead a very quiet, unimpressive social life, I suppose the only thing to do would be to focus on the big things:

My expensive pillow is losing feathers rapidly.

It was purchased on a gift card for my birthday last year (Batman says two years ago but I don’t know if I trust him anymore), and now it’s starting to flatten.  Normally, I spend a total of five dollars on my pillows from Walmart, but with someone else footing the bill, I decided to go big. THIRTY DOLLARS big. Oh yeah. I guess I expected something with a price tag of over five bucks to last forever, but now the ends of the feathers push themselves out every night, poking Batman and me in the face. And as soon as I lay my head down, it sinks straight to the mattress. This is not what I wanted. I get to look at all the cushion on either side of me but not get to enjoy it myself. So I squish it together and lay back. And ever so slowly, I sink. Squish and sink, squish and sink. This is my night routine.

I think Batman’s enjoying it. He’s had his eye on my pillow since I got it a year ago. When I get up to write in the morning, I know he steals it and dents it with his own head. That’s probably where all the deterioration comes from. Batman’s heavy head. I should’ve known. Doesn’t change the fact I spent thirty dollars a year ago and now I sleep against the mattress. I’m not one on pillow stats, but is this right? I’d steal Batman’s if his wasn’t so much more pathetic than mine. He needs two and they don’t even compete with my faltering, soon-to-be-featherless pillow. I guess I should just fork over another thirty bucks but I’m lazy and poor. More so the latter.

In happier—and possibly, more bizarre—news, I saw someone drinking out of a mug on my morning commute today. Like a regular keep-in-your-cabinet mug, not a traveler cup. Do people do that? Drink in non-travel containers? I took a look in the rearview mirror and there he was. Enjoying his beverage from a large white mug like he was reading the newspaper and oh yeah, operating a large, dangerous vehicle. So, here’s my question:  where does he place it when he’s driving? Are the cup-holders sized for extra large drinking mugs? Or does he just hold onto it the entire commute? I’m dying to know.

It reminds me of that person I saw brushing her teeth on a bike in Amsterdam. She just floated right by, minding her own business and cleaning those pearly whites like it was nothing. I wish I could do that. Except I had enough trouble trying to maneuver the bike on my own since I hadn’t ridden one since elementary school.  I guess some people are good at multitasking. Like navigating and drinking out of mugs or tending to one’s hygiene. I’m terrible at navigating in general—ask Batman—so adding anything else would just be death for us all. And no, it’s not because I’m a woman. It’s just because I’m that bad with directions. Actually, you should probably watch out for me on the road. I’m usually in the left lane and drive an extremely dirty Sportage. I should probably spend the ten dollars and take it through a wash but I just don’t care. Oh, and I’m also poor. Did I mention that?

So let’s see…what else is new besides depressing pillows and multitasking commuters? Oh yes… tomorrow. For a belated birthday gift, Mrs. Whatever is taking Batman and me out to a delightful little restaurant where our servers will be dressed as the opposite sex. That’s right—we’re getting served by drag queens! I cannot *begin* to tell you how excited I am about this. For one, food with friends is always a good time. And two, what’s better than being served by men in woman’s clothing? Nothing, I tell you! I might even go Sex and the City and have a martini. Yeah, it’s going to happen. I’m sure I’ll have something to report come this weekend, which is rapidly approaching dear friends.

Until then, it’s squish and sink for me.

Squish and sink.